For some women, the peri- and menopause brings with it a loss of confidence, a fear of failure.
You begin to worry over things you would normally take in your stride. Anxiety can increase, and as your self-esteem drops, your capacity to get overwhelmed increases.
Signs of fear of failure include:
- A lack of faith in your talent and wisdom
- A need to be perfect
- Over-thinking/analysing/planning
- Anxiety about future events.
Yet midlife is also a time of great opportunity – a chance to re-evaluate who you are and what you want. A mindful approach can help you tell the negative committee in your head to sit down and shut up.
With different groups, research has shown that mindfulness meditation can reduce fear of failure. Practice helps increase inner calm, move thinking from fear to curiosity, support focus in new situations, and promote self-acceptance when facing difficulties.
Using mindfulness for fear of failure
When you find yourself staying in your comfort zone. Or making excuses not to try something new, or pursue a long-held dream, try asking yourself:
- What is the worst possible outcome if you fail?
- What is the best possible outcome if you fail?
Chances are the answers to number one are things like feeling embarrassed or stupid, other people thinking poorly of you. Answers to number two could include new learning and skills, finding out more about what works, moving you forwards.
Take your time and make notes. Identify your fears – getting them out in the open makes them more manageable. Question if your fears are true – gives you chance to manage the risk. Have a Plan B – keeps you open minded.
Remember that failure is not final. You do not actually fail unless you give up. We confuse failing with failure. Most failures are just steps on the path to success. Everyone has them.
Failure need not be feared. When you fail, you also increase your strength, knowledge and resilience. Using mindfulness, you can concentrate on the present moment, on the steps you can take right now, and this helps reduce the overwhelm of big goals that can stop you getting started. Practice this meditation Bringing Your Mind Back from Thoughts to help you.
Think about a small child, learning to walk. You would not berate them every time they fell. So why do that to yourself? Give yourself permission to try, to experiment, to learn.
Living bravely in the real world
Consider the cost of doing nothing. Change can be scary, but not doing so can end up worse. I have made some of the biggest decisions in my life on the back of ‘I’ll regret this if I don’t’.
Twenty years ago, I left a corporate job as a consultant, to go freelance and train to be a chiropractor. Then four years later, I gave up the freelancing to set myself up in my healthcare practice.
Then I closed my UK practice and moved to India.
Now Covid has intervened, so I am building a mindfulness practice.
At each stage, there has come a point when I have had to stop doing what was comfortable and step out metaphorically into the void.
I cannot say it gets easier. It does not. But over time I have gained more trust in my ability to put the work in, and persevere, and confidence that somehow there will be a safety net of some description.
If all else fails, I trust the process. And I trust that even if I do not know quite where I am going right now, the path will become apparent – in hindsight!
So, think about what step you could take today, to move closer to your goals. And use this meditation to help you quiet your mind.
