Can you think back to a time when something you were stressed about went much better than expected? Or when something that seemed like a mistake, turned out for the best? These are both examples of stress being generated by our judgements about a situation, rather than the reality. Bringing an attitude of non-judgement to your life can help you reduce stress with mindfulness.
You are supposed to have stress. Your mind is designed to look for danger and work to protect you. Unfortunately, it is also very good at making meaning out of fragments of information. And jumping to conclusions that may not be justified.
Stress can be a prominent experience for midlife women – a sense of being under too much pressure, both emotionally and physically. The cocktail of hormonal changes and symptoms – like hot flashes and poor sleep – combined with family and personal events – bringing up teenagers, children leaving home, ageing parents, career changes – can seem overwhelming.
In one study, women who were currently upset by a stressful event reported 21 per cent more hot flashes and night sweats than those who reported no life stressor. However, research also suggests it is the perception of the stress, along with a negative attitude towards ageing, that makes symptoms worse.
Using non-judgement to reduce stress with mindfulness
Mindfulness practice improves emotional regulation and reduces stress.
The quality of non-judgement is not about suspending judgement – you make judgements all the time. It is more about noticing that you have judged something as good or bad, and not allowing that judgement to dictate your reactions.
With practice, you learn to be aware of your thoughts but not take them literally. And research suggests that you are less likely over time to react with negative thoughts or unhelpful emotions in times of stress.
Being able to notice and acknowledge automatic judgements helps soothe activity in the part of the brain that switches on your stress response. So over time, you reduce your background level of stress.
While not removing stress, practicing non-judgement as part of mindfulness can help you be more resourceful. And reduce the habitual responses that make stress worse.
Five ways to use non-judgement to reduce stress
Often the stressors in your life are less to do with an event or person, and more to do with your reactions to them. Non-judgement helps you pause your mind’s tendency to think it knows more than it does and focus your attention on what is within your control.
Here are five ways to practice non-judgement:
- The 90 second rule – the physiological component of an emotion only lasts about 90 seconds in your body. It’s your ruminating mind that keeps the emotion, and its impact, in circulation. So, next time you find yourself responding from a place of emotion, see if you can wait 90 seconds. Notice any opinions and judgement, but do not react to them. It will help stressors pass more quickly.
- Make notes on your judgements – for one day, practice making a note every time you make a judgement. Not only can the act of writing things down help to relieve stress, it can also make it easier for you to notice your habitual patterns of thinking, and your triggers. The better you get to know your thoughts, the faster you can move your attention to more helpful ways of thinking.
- Left and right movement – among your most unhelpful judgements can be the negative ones you make about yourself. It’s easy to think that if you are harsh with yourself, you’ll be more motivated, you’ll achieve more. But studies suggest being more compassionate with yourself is a better bet. When you notice self judgements, take a break, and engage the left and right sides of your brain. Either go for a walk (moving left and right feet) or pass an object from left to right hand and back, across the midline of your body.
- Use everyday tasks – to help you direct your attention. You cannot always control your thoughts, but you can acknowledge them, along with any judgements, and then direct your attention fully to whatever you are doing now. It does not matter what it is – washing dishes, brushing your teeth, making the bed, driving your car. When you attend fully to the present moment, you are helping reduce the rumination and judgements that drive stress levels higher. For more on using mindfulness informally, sign up to my newsletter and get a free eBook on how things you are doing anyway can be used to help you be more mindful.
- Breathe – easier said than done sometimes. But just noticing that you are breathing can allow you to bring your attention away from your racing mind into the present moment. There are a couple of practices on the gifts page, The Breathing Space and the STOP practice, if you want some guided help.
It is not possible to eradicate stress entirely – in fact a stress-free life is not necessarily good for your health. But chronic stress can make other health problems worse and lowering your stress response can help all aspects of your life.
Mindfulness is not a quick fix. Regular daily practice is the key. Click here to book a free consultation, and find out how mindfulness can help you live the life you want.
